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02 $1.00

The Voice of
The Streets

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More than a Magazine Tell Your Story

Speak Up Magazine is a 501(c)3 non-profit Our community needs your voice! Writing
based in Charlotte, NC. The purpose is workshops are open to the public every
two-fold: to give a voice and to provide Tuesday at Speak Up at 2:30 p.m. This is the
employment for vulnerably-housed and first step to being published.
homeless individuals.
Speak Up offers an income opportunityfor homeless and vulnerably-housed Get an Empowering Job
people. They become micro-business
owners who buy copies of Speak Up for a Have you lived on the streets? Are you still
low price and then resell them, keeping all there? Are you on the edge?
the cash and earning a generous profit. As To join Speak Up and become a magazine-
a result, these enterprising street vendors selling micro-business owner, come to
learn to manage their resources and grow Speak Up Monday through Thursday to
their businesses. sign up for an interview.
This legitimate alternative to begging A good time to visit is Wednesday at
and social handouts creates a livable 10 a.m., for the visitors-welcome vendor
income, increases self-respect and renews meeting.
hope for the future.
Visit us online for more about SpeakUp’s mission, vision and leadership team. Creative Team

EditingGet Involved Cheryl Spainhour, Will Vaughan, Jess
Forsythe, Kayla Rainey, Peggi Knowe,
Volunteers and interns are welcomed for Esther Trinh, Harry Griffin
creative areas, such as photography, editing
and video work, as well as administration, Visuals
development, social services and more. Esther Trinh, Lead Designer
Your generous donations and Kylie Wyman, PSD Ninja
sponsorships keep Speak Up going. Please Sarah Elizabeth Cornejo, Illustration
give today at speakupmag.org/donate Lucie Smul, Photography

1515 S Mint St, Suite B, Charlotte, NC 28203
speakupmag.org

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Happenings at Speak Up

Speak Up is distributed exclusively by
people who have lived on the streets or
who are still battling homelessness. Since
launching in Charlotte, NC, in 2011, we’ve
seen dozens of people find meaningful
success and seen many lives significantly “You need to dress more like a bum.
changed. When you look nice, no one will buy
The cool thing is, they changed their the magazine from you,” said one Speak
own lives. We didn’t do it for them. Speak Up vendor to another earlier this year.
Up is just an opportunity—people can The speaker was talking to one young
choose to use it or not. man who insists on dressing as snappy
— as possible—even while homeless, he’d
show up wearing a tie and often in a suit
In one instance, a sweet lady, “Lisa”, coat. He claimed that because of his well
came to Speak Up, desperate for help. She kept appearance, no one believed he was
lived with her husband in a broken down homeless and doubted his sincerity when
van, but he had just violated probation he was selling magzines.
and was hauled back to jail. “Don’t dress down to meet people’s
“I don’t know what to do,” she said. “He negative expectations,” someone said, “this
always came up with the food…I used to is your chance to change their perspective
have my CDL license for driving heavy on homelessness!”
trucks but that has expired.” —
She decided to become a Speak Up
vendor, buying magazines for a low price Someone brought in a coloring sheet
and reselling them for a generous profit. that showed a bearded guy with a raggedy
After a few days, she disappeared. cap and torn jeans and an oversized coat.
I wondered for a long time what It was headlined: “Homeless or Hipster?”
happened to Lisa. “It’s too bad Lisa didn’t —
work out,” I’d think to myself.
A year and a half later, a beautiful white What does a homeless person look
semi truck pulled up in front our office. like? One of our friends and contributors,
Out climbed Lisa and her husband. She homeless himself for over two decades,
was talking on a cellphone and holding a painted a picture of eight faces, each
CB radio in the other hand. possibly depicting a homeless person, to
“Hey,” she said. “We are living in remind us that everyone is different.
another state now but we are passing —
through and I wanted to tell you: with
the money I earned that weekend selling I hope you enjoy the essays and creative
Speak Up magazines, I was able to renew writing in this issue. Each piece was
my CDL license.” written by someone who knows firsthand
“Now I drive trucks for a living. This is what it is like to live on the streets.
my job. We’ve got a house.
Thank you.” –Matt Shaw
— Executive Director

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THE SATCHEL OF STONE

Every seven years you change your skin
And every morning you rise again
But it’s short, life, and you must try.

Heavy burden, a satchel of stone
I’ll grow old before I find home
At this rate I’m alone

On the street I hone lyrics
Carry rocks and throw sticks
Try to remember what love is
Take naps and play with kids

It’s nothing grand
The coffee is bland
My mind is a coffin of sand
Eyelids develop a mind of their own
And they decide a satchel of stone

Bells hung on every tree
The birds sing me crazy
Not knowing when to eat,
The satchel of stone has blinded me.

— Tyler
Traverse City, MI

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WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVED ON THE STREETS

On The Road with Mark 06
A Dirty Junkie 07
Everyone Deseves to Smile 08
Storytelling Roundtable 09
One Year From Now… 10
Harvesting Hope 11
All I Wanted Was A Shower 12
Concrete Dreams 13
Happy Hearts 14
Learning How to Survive 15
One Man’s Journey 16-17
Being Homeless 18-19
Charlotte Speaks 20- 21
Joshua’s Life Tips (FREE!) 22

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I got up and went after the blanket thief.
After a brief confrontation and one swift
kick to his knee, he relented and gave up her
blanket. I went back to my cardboard and
gave the woman her gray rag wool FEMAON THE ROAD disaster blanket. She was appreciative and
thought it was safer to sleep near me, so she
dragged her cardboard next to mine and
went back to sleep.
Later that night, she told me her name waswith Mark Lavita. She was a gaunt black woman in her
Alongside of a hospital parking garage, fifties with salt and pepper hair. A woman
next to a bus stop, a group of some of Miami’s came up to us and offered some very expired
most hardcore homeless sleep every night, Christmas cake. We accepted it and split it
just three blocks down the street from one between us. Lavita ate it greedily and with
of largest homeless shelters in the country. relish, even though the buttercream frosting
Two blocks down the street, The Sisters was slightly spoiled.
of Charity feed the homeless every day; Roughly two weeks later, Lavita was
except Thursdays. The food is nourishing if brutally murdered on the sidewalk near the
nothing else. Sisters’ mission. Allegedly beaten to death
One night, as I lay on my three layers of by a man who propositioned her for sex.
cardboard, a woman lay under the bus stop.
A man came up to her and stole her blanket. — Mark Gansert
Miami, FL

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Most of my life I was a
DIRTY JUNKIE
I know what it’s like to be so hungry Before I knew it, I had been there a year,
it hurts. I spent a lot of years living on the hadn’t drunk, was getting my driver’s license
streets. In the end I was crippled by my back after seventeen years without it. Now,
drinking and drug use. I checked into the in spite of being a felon several times over,
shelter in Ann Arbor, again. The only reason I am gainfully employed, I own my own
they let me in was because I couldn’t walk, house, I am getting custody of my youngest
but they were tired of watching me come son. To most people I look “normal,” even
and go. Nobody was willing to waste their though most of my life I was a dirty junkie
time helping me, so I finally started helping that they would cross the street to avoid.
myself. I pushed myself as hard as I could I’ve been sober four years now and can
trying to walk. After a few months I could only guess how much better it will get.
get around again.
I started drinking, then my wife died —Sean Laura
of an overdose. That lit a fire under me. A Traverse City, MI
friend of mine said I could stay with him for
a month but I couldn’t drink and had to go
to A.A.

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EVERYONE DESERVES TO

SMILE
As an artist and one of Speak Up’s most committed contributors, DAG has a smile that all
of us would love to see…But for DAG, it is too painful to smile—physically and emotionally.
His first trip to the dentist in over 20 years recently gave him hope for what needs to happen.

You can be part of the solution. The total cost of his new smile is $6,952. Help fund DAG’s
necessary dental work and give him the opportunity to share his smile. To donate and learn
more, visit dagsnewssmile.com

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STORYTELLING ROUNDTABLE

My grandmother asked my mother
to hurry and get the clothes from the
clothesline because there was going to be a
storm. As my mother, who was 18 at the time
and in her last year of school, went to get the
clothes off the line, it started to rain, and
thunder roared through the sky. Suddenly, I have a good life-long friend who owns
as she reached to grab an article of clothing a business in Wilson, NC. He has been the
off the line, she was struck by lighting. My best friend/big brother/role model that I
grandparents rushed her to the hospital to never had when I was growing up.
make sure she was all right. The doctor came I met Van when I was 18 and in jail on
out to give my grandparents the results. The Christmas Eve. He was a bail-bondsman,
doctor said, “She’s ok, and the baby’s ok too.” and he would come in and out of the jail all
And that was how my mother found out she day. I would ask him for reading materials,
was pregnant with me! and he would give them to me. I think he
— Michal saw potential in me because he noticed
Charlotte, NC how fast I was reading the newspapers and
magazines. On the night of Christmas Eve,
I was in the hospital recovering from a the jailers opened my door and told me
gunshot wound. I was in more pain than to get dressed because I was leaving. I had
you can imagine. I was crying, asking God no idea how this was happening, because I
why he did this to me. They kept giving didn’t have any family or friends that would
me different drugs. None of them worked. help me.
The pain was unbearable. My boyfriend, When I came out of the jail, Van was
who is all but religious, picked up the Bible waiting for me, and I got in his car and he
off the night table, opened it up and began talked to me. He asked me where my home
to read it. Almost immediately, as he went was, and I told him I didn’t have one. He
back through the words, a warm feeling took me to his house and has been my best
came over my body that seemed to numb friend for the last 11 years.
the pain. I stopped crying and it gave me a He has saved me and helped me through
very calm and serene feeling… You might so many situations, and not just financially.
be thinking the drugs kicked in. That’s what He introduced me to his family and friends,
he thought too. He stopped reading and the and they all accept me like I am family.
pain came back as it had never left. I told Without Van, I would probably be dead or
him to continue to read. in prison right now.
— Tawanna — Michael Jones
Charlotte, NC Charlotte, NC

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ONE YEAR FROM NOW…

One year from now, I plan to have a job, and
have my daughter Samantha in Pre-K and
on the right track! I’m tired of living day by
day. I need some consistency in my life.
— Tabitha

One year from now, I’ll have all of my burnt
bridges with family and friends rebuilt. One
year from now, I’ll have visited every single
state in the United States. One year from
now, I’ll be in a serious relationship with the
girlfriend I haven’t met yet. One year from
now, I’ll have become a stronger person
mentally and physically. One year from now,
I know I’ll be in a better place.
— Troy

One year from now, I will be in a house, and
have a car, and run my business, and stay
with Speak-Up magazine to help others too.
— Tweety

One year from now, my goal is to complete
a degree or certificate program. It’s to ensure
appropriate medical personnel are hired
and not hire individuals who merely seek
to take advantage of the vulnerable, i.e.
the homeless or mentally ill. In line with
this goal, I am attempting to complete my
paralegal degree among other things. I even
dream of perhaps owning a business.
— Lynn

One year from now, I want to become a
productive member of society, with my life Cornejoin its proper perspective as a mother and E.
grandmother. I want a driver’s license, my Sarahown car and my own business.
— Kimberly Illustrations:

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Miss Pat is from Iowa. She used to raise
hogs there. A few years ago, her friend
helped her move to Charlotte. She was a car
dealership manager. She is a very caring lady HARVESTING
and a sincere and loving person. Miss Pat is
also a great mentor. I interviewed her, and
this is what she said.

Ruth: What makes you love the farm
business?
Miss Pat: Everything. The challenges
presented by growing produce, harvesting,
transporting and selling at market can be
like working a Rubik’s Cube. It can be veryHOPE
I started selling Speak Up magazines at unpredictable when you are dealing with
Atherton Mill on South Boulevard in the Mother Nature. Just when I think I have a
middle of August 2013. It was cool, windy, pattern figured out, wham! The weather
breezy weather. As I sat at the front tent, a changes and wipes out a crop, or is so perfect
lady approached me to give to me two big, there is an abundance. That makes the
juicy, ripe peaches. She introduced herself business side very challenging. The actual
as Miss Pat from the Atherton Food Hub. farming side is just as challenging, but you
As she observed me every day as I came to get to put your hands in the soil and feel
sell Speak Up magazines, she really enjoyed the life force of the planet while feeling the
my persistence at working for Speak Up. sun on your back, which is breaking from
After a few weeks, she offered me a job as a being bent over planting! The warmth keeps
processor of veggies and fruits. you going and hearing the crack of thunder
My job as a processor is to run the register, and seeing the flash of lightning gets you
sales, shipping and handling, picking crops, running for cover as rain cools your body.
cleaning, composting, and retail suggesting. Farming is all that and more.
I work Tuesday through Saturday Ruth: What is your passion in life?
every week. My favorite part of the job is Miss Pat: To be free of cultural bias, to
visiting the organic farm and feeding the live freely and explore all the possibilities
donkeys and horses. Right now, Miss Pat presented.
is encouraging me to be an organic farmer. Ruth: What are your future goals?
She introduced me to the plants, sunlight, Miss Pat: I want to continue learning and
nature, and crop harvesting. I like farming growing as much as possible and help create
because it helps people, saves the Earth, a healthy community that can be sustainable
and shares the surplus. My job has been and integrated with one another. It’s the only
very rewarding helping people eat healthy way we can survive.
organic veggies and fruits. It prevents
diseases and harm to their bodies. — Ruth Hsieh
Charlotte, NC

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little better now, but they are not as they
were before. There is no magical cure for
the neglect I’ve felt. There is no single
apology that can bridge the gap. It will takeALL I
a lifetime’s worth of attention from everyone
to make even a single apology meaningful.
I never wanted to be mistreated. I wanted
a fun life, a life of happiness and constantWANTED WAS
good surprises. The life I had wanted was
stolen from me. It needs to be returned.
While others lived the lives I wanted for
myself, I could hardly even shower. I couldA SHOWER
hardly sleep at night for fear that I would
As I was neglected, allowed to sleep alone be beaten, robbed and raped. I read one
in public, allowed to collect dirt and allowed morning about the crucified homeless man
to become convinced that I was uncared they found in Rocky River Park, so that
for, my largest concern was cleanliness. I night in the bandshell at Freedom Park,
have oily skin. Sometimes I feel the need I was happy that it was the police were
to shower multiple times a day and I still waking me up to check my I.D. for my safety
might not feel clean. “On the street” it was as opposed to a murderer or a rapist. Once
rare that I could shower more than once in on a bench at Independence Park, I was
a week, much less multiple times a day as I awoken at 3:30 in the morning by a man
probably needed. My wonderful counselor caressing my thigh as though I had invited
at the Urban Ministry Center, Megan him simply by being there. I had never
Coffey, always liked to tell me that her father been so stupefyingly appalled and repulsed
in Texas would say to her gruffly, “Missy, by my entire community than I was at that
don’t even talk to me until I’ve had a shower, moment. He thought it was funny. He was
a shave and a cup of coffee.” When you actually surprised that I was upset. I was not
are on the street, it’s difficult to tell people laughing. I rode my bike to the garden at the
that they cannot talk to you until you’ve church on Hawthorne and cried afterwards
showered and you don’t know when that for probably about twenty minutes.
will be, because you do not have a shower All I wanted was a shower. All I wanted
of your own or easy access to a one. It’s hard was an explanation. All I wanted was my
to tell others the truth. It’s hard to say, “I am life back. All I wanted was to sleep without
scared. I am alone. My teeth hurt. I feel dirty. some strange man rubbing my thigh. All I
I feel unloved. I feel neglected. I am afraid.” wanted was to be able to show up at church
When you try to say it, you feel like people without a complaint. What I wanted was for
use that as an excuse to further your neglect. everyone to feel the same joy for me that I
I know this because that’s my experience. felt for them all. I did not think and I still do
I tried to let people know. I tried to open not think that that is too much to ask.
myself to being available to be rebuilt. I tried
to allow society to do for me what I could — Matt Hoffman
not do for myself. Try as I did, I encountered Charlotte, NC
frustration after frustration. Things are a

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CONCRETE DREAMS

I’m transitioning from house to hobo.
I’ve already signed my lease.

I will be sleeping in that bush next to your car,
and your car starting will be my alarm clock.

I will be invisible but stand out.

I will live a lavish lifestyle,
created and renewed every day.

I will be the stranger you want to forget.

I will be the landmark for adventure.

I’m in the midst of all that is to come,
waiting to transition and transcend onto the next phase,
cautious of every step I take.

If I could only focus for this very second.
I’d know we’re all in the midst of dreaming and creating
our own very existence into reality.

— James Crider
Charlotte, NC

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HAPPY HEARTS

Being homeless is a crazy experience… My life felt as if it was not important, and
I started off alone on the cold streets I was all alone…
struggling to find love. Many people took I cried many nights, but I soon met my
advantage of me—took my kindness for significant other. His name is Charlie. He
weakness. I got used and abused, mentally took away most of my worries, and he
and emotionally, many times; I was so makes sure I am always safe and warm
hungry at times, and all I had was water and never hungry. For once in my life, I
to drink from restaurant restrooms. I had feel completely safe and loved even though
to steal food any chance I got. I lost a lot I am still homeless and going through the
of weight, and my family turned on me struggles of everyday life. My heart is happy,
and would not help me out. I felt that I was anyone can touch a heart. One word can
totally lost and alone. The only person I change a person’s day. I learned that through
had in my life was my grandmother, who my life.
unfortunately passed away on August 20,
2012. — Whitney
I slept under bridges, and in abandoned Charlotte, NC
houses and trailers. I was very lucky to be (with Charles)
warm most nights, especially when it rained.
Those were the worst times.

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LEARNING HOW TO SURVIVE
Did you ever think when you were young, me each and every day. She keeps me in a
living in that nice warm house with your sane state of mind most of the time. We’re
family—watching television every night, surviving each day with God’s protection,
playing your games, talking on the phone, even though sometimes things seem almost
eating and drinking and sleeping in that unmanageable.
warm cozy bed at night—that a day would It’s definitely a daily struggle having to
come when you didn’t have all of those maintain every day, but fortunately we
comforts of life? Was that ever a thought in have each other and we have faith that
your mind? Was it ever a conceivable idea to things will get better in time. We have also
you? It certainly wasn’t one of my thoughts. met a few encouraging people along our
I have been experiencing all of the things journey who have been a big help to us.
I never imagined I would ever experience. Nothing is promised us every day… That’s
I am homeless. Up until three years ago, I a lesson in life that we all must learn…
never thought I would be. HOMELESSNESS can happen to anyone,
Sometimes the worst part of being anywhere, and at any time, but as long as we
homeless is waking up each morning have our faith, NOTHING is impossible to
knowing that it’s another day of overcome. Whether you’re under a bridge,
homelessness. I used to stay at a shelter. in a cardboard box, in an abandoned house,
I’ve done the abandoned house thing, the or even in a tent, your faith and the positive
under-a-bridge thing, and even the in- people you keep in your life will carry you
a-doorway thing sometimes. But now I through!
sleep in a tent, which isn’t too bad because
I have my companion and best friend with — Charles
Charlotte, NC
(with Whitney)

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been homeless off and on (but mostly on)
ever since. Currently, I live in a camp in the
south Fort Worth area.
Why am I homeless?
For those of you who are curious, I’ve
been homeless off and on for about 10 years,
but mostly on. In fact, over the past decadeONE MAN’S I’ve been homeless for around eight years.
There is no simple reason as to why
I remain homeless. I’ve been asked that
question by several people over the years.
In the past, my addictions and pride kept
me homeless but now it’s a different set ofJOURNEY circumstances.
I grew up in a farming community in There is no one thing to explain my
central Minnesota. I later spent 20 years situation unless you are a Christian and
living in the Washington DC/ northern then the only reason is that He is keeping
Virginia area then another 15 or so in me homeless for a reason. Maybe He is not
the north Chicago suburb of Des Plaines, done teaching me something or He has
Illinois. In the fall of 2002 I arrived in Fort something that I must do for Him.
Worth, Texas, as a homeless person and I’ve I cannot say.

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The other day my brother asked that and do things like laundry, maintenance
question and the only reasonable thing that and repairs.
came to mind was that God does have a plan This time of year (Autumn) I have to
for me and it includes homelessness. gather material to convert my tent from a
Some people might say that using Him as summer shelter to something a warmer and
an excuse is a cop out. It’s not really but if more weatherproof for the winter months.
you want to know all the other little details Here’s something else that everyone
then let’s try these excuses on for size. knows but fails to understand when it comes
I have signed up for subsidised public to time. I walk everywhere. The places I go
housing but the problem is it takes a very are not five minutes away by car but one
long time before you are accepted. I know hour on foot – there is nothing much that is
some people who’ve been on the waiting list less than 45 minutes away from my camp by
for more than one year and a half. foot.
Then, if I am to pay my own way – which So there you have it. Being homeless – at
for me is the preferred way to go – I need to least my type of homelessness – is a full time
find work. That sounds easier than it really deal and I also volunteer for work two days
is. I do look for work. I am listed and get a week in order to stay busy and to network
postings from several job search sites on the with other people.
internet as well as from the Texas Workforce So why is it that I remain homeless? I
Commission. I am also listed with several cannot say for sure. I like the Christian
temporary agencies but there are problems answer but truthfully all of the above reasons
too. are part of the equation. There are probably
For example, there is my lack of a recent several other reasons I could list but they
job history and my criminal record. There is don’t spring to mind.
also the issue of my age. I was told by a friend But before I end, let me say this to those
at church – who works within a human who think my homelessness is because I sit
resources department – that age remains a around and do nothing. You are mistaken.
problem even though firms cannot legally There are many homeless people who do
discriminate against someone because of just sit around but I am not one of them. I
how old they are. I know there are many am actively trying to improve my situation
more people applying for the same job as me and to suggest otherwise is insulting. I can
but they are often less qualified and much forgive someone who believes otherwise or
younger. thinks I could do more, but until that person
What I am physically capable of doing? truly understands what it takes to pick
While I am healthy, I don’t have the body yourself up after sinking this low, I won’t
of a 20 year old. And transport is an issue. waste my time on them.
Public transportation is my only option and I don’t like being homeless. I am no longer
buses don’t go everywhere. There is also a too proud or too ashamed to talk about it. I
lack of available jobs of the sort that I can do. am actively trying to change things. It does
Another problem with being homeless is take time though. I’ve travelled a long way
that you spend most of your time just trying to get to where I am now and I still have a
to survive. I go to at least one food bank each long way to go. Send me an email if you have
week which takes at least one whole day. I any ideas that may help me but if not I hope
also collect aluminum cans along highways this post helps you understand my personal
for extra cash and that takes at least another reasons for being homeless. Please keep
day, sometimes even two. in mind that this is the best answer to the
I make trips to the store on foot because question ‘why are you still homeless?’.
I don’t want to waste money on a bus fare. I As for other homeless people, you’ll have
need to go to stores for things that I don’t get to ask them.
from food banks: fuel for my stove and other
necessities. — Garth Kirkpatrick
A camp is my home so I spend a couple Fort Worth, Texas
of days taking care of it. I have to clean up

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BEING HOMELESS

Being Tortured,
institutionalized
Then jailed to all three, at the same time, invisibly;
In what appeared to be fresh air
I was grateful to be,
Waiting on mines,
Spitting out rhymes,
Naturally for me,
Ahead of the times in my mind,
All writing, they called it blind,
Yet it’s how I always appeared to see,
Chose To be a “He”,
All for a protection of thee,
Knowing end body was always “Carina,” the she, me,
As well as “In the beginning,”
Making a partner to be greater
So that I may be free.

— Nicole
Charlotte, NC

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We asked folks around Speak Up and in
Charlotte to finish the phrase “I am…”

See the full series at speakupmag.org/i-amI am…Charlotte

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JOSHUA’S
LIFE ADVICE
1. When you are broke and homeless, ask the people for
money or get a job.

2. When you need or want help, ask people or help yourself.

3. Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer.

4. When you have lost ones who you love, pray for them or
visit their graves for respect and talk to your lost loved
ones.

5. If you can’t pray, then ask them to pray for you.

6. If you’re scared, ask God for courage and a shield.

7. When you are sad or depressed, then ask God for faith
and joy.

8. Peace be stil, peace was stil, and peace may be stil.

9. Go to church and talk to God for anything and everything
from him.

— Joshua

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