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$5.00 / ISSUE 68

#SHESPEAKS

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Substance Abuse
& Mental Health

Unmentionables:
Sexual Assault

We Make the
Community Better

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Essays by Renee Rop

Illustrations by Haley McCord

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Substance Abuse & Mental Health

I am a person in recovery from alcoholism. But before my alcoholism,
there was (and still is) chronic major depression, anorexia and bulimia,
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD), insomnia, generalized
anxiety disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive traits. I also have bone
spurs and arthritis, partly a result of aging, exacerbated by excessive
amounts of time outside in the elements and all the walking that I
have to do.

There are a lot of life issues on the street. A lot of “non-homeless”
people think of those of us who are “homeless” as mere “bums” and
“drunks.” The reality is that we “homeless” deal with the same life
issues as those who are not “homeless.” We may or may not have
families. We suffer the losses of loved ones. We may be struggling
with substance abuse issues. We may be struggling with mental
health issues.

At present, my anxiety, depression, and PTSD are really kicking my
butt, as well as bouts of insomnia and the resulting OCD tendencies.

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Challenges in my mental health status tend to increase my
vulnerability to potential relapse with regard to my alcoholism.

Anyone who has ever struggled with substance abuse issues, or
knows someone who has, can likely relate to what I am trying to say.
I must successfully manage each end of my co-occurring disorders
(substance abuse and mental health diagnoses). When my depression,
PTSD, and/or anxiety heighten, my inclination to self-medicate with
alcohol increases. When use of alcohol is in play, this directly impacts
and worsens my depression, etc. At present, I take medication for
my depression, insomnia, and for my hypothyroidism. In addition to
medications, I attend AA weekly, other agency-run support groups,
and 1:1 counseling to learn new coping skills.

The challenge for anyone learning new coping skills, for any reason,
is applying what one has learned. This is particularly challenging,
yet vital, in high stress or crisis situations. Homelessness is always
high stress. Where am I going sleep tonight? How will I spend my
day? Where will I eat? What is the weather going to be like? How
do I stay warm and dry? Who will I run into? How do I keep my
belongings safe and dry?

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As a person experiencing homelessness, I face these challenges
daily. Cognitively, I know that the key to successfully maneuvering
these challenges, therefore successfully managing both my mental
health and my recovery, is to utilize my new coping skills. However,
“knowing” and “doing” are not yet automatic. I guess, in the end, all I
can do is to keep putting one foot forward in front of the other. Try
to live in the “now” of today, and keep making wise choices. Finally,
I need to learn to ask for help when I need it; a strong arm to steady
me instead of a bottle.

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Unmentionables: Sexual Assault

Life on the streets is ROUGH: Where to sleep without being
harassed; how to keep oneself and one’s valuables safe and dry;
how to stay warm. Where is the nearest public restroom? One does
not wish to get a loitering ticket, or even worse, a public urination
charge, which is actually a Criminal Sexual Conduct charge. Life on
the street is more difficult for women. Safety and security are always
at odds with being “out there” among the rest of society at large.

Life on the street can be dangerous, even in our community. There
is theft, often among our own (homeless), if you can imagine
stealing from another who has so little. There is violence. This often
accompanies theft. Violence against our brothers and sisters. There
is sexual assault. Rape. Unfortunately, this is almost commonplace
among our alleged brothers and our sisters. The incidents of sexual
assault rise incrementally with the use of alcohol (or other drugs).

Women who are homeless are less visible than the men. I hesitate to
mention acts of violence because the community already has a poor

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image of “us.” Yet because this has been so unmentionable, it has
become one more reason such violence continues.

(Don’t worry; it doesn’t happen in your backyard or driveway.) It
happens under bridges and in wooded areas. It happens in the dark.
It happens when couchsurfing or in tents. But it happens. It happens
often when we are asleep, unconscious, in a blackout, or too impaired
or outnumbered to fight back. I feel compelled to mention it, because
it does happen and is even less reported than sexual assault among
the non-homeless in the community.

“Why?” you may ask. Many are the reasons. Often alcohol is involved.
An unspoken code is if you drink with the guys, sexual assault may
sadly be a part of the price of hanging with the guys. If you are
couchsurfing, it may be the undiscussed rent. In a tent near others,
presumably for safety, one cannot lock oneself in. We discover this
only by experience. I have tried to warn “newbies,” generally to no
avail. We think we are among friends; protectors. We have even
less credibility than the average citizen within the community with
local law enforcement. Who is going to do anything? What will be
the consequences of reporting?! It is a fact that we must continue

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to walk these same streets among our perpetrators. There is fear of
retribution. Making a “report” does not get the offenders off the
street immediately, if ever.

I know many women in the homeless community who have been
sexually assaulted by our own. I am among these ranks. If we talk
about this at all, it is among each other – those who understand and
those who comprehend the “whys” of not reporting versus “judging”
of the silence.

I guess this is my attempt to speak up about this form of violence.
Not much can be done about it. Awareness, maybe. Some might say
this is fatalistic, but it’s simply the reality. It is unlikely that these
incidents will begin to be reported. It’s unlikely others will notice
and intervene. As homeless, we are often viewed as non-members of
society. There is no justice for us. I mean, seriously, look at the stink
created when we try to build a new shelter. Many do care, but most
do not. “Not in our neighborhood.” “Not on our streets.” “Not in our
city.” And so, under the bridges and into the woods we go where
there is no safety, no security, and no witnesses.

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We Make the Community Better

The people who write for this magazine are homeless. Some of us
are couchsurfing. Some of us sleep in our vehicles. Some of us seek
temporary respite in a homeless shelter. Some of us hunker down
outside at night, with or without a tent, in blankets and sleeping
bags. Some of us stay in the shelter when we can. Perhaps you’ve
realized, “Hey, some of these homeless folks have brains! Some of
them even know how to use a computer! Wow!”

I contribute in other ways beyond writing. I do quite a lot of volunteer
work. (Remember, I’m homeless.) I volunteer at multiple non-profit
organizations. I give my time. I don’t just sit around, tipping a bottle,
looking for handouts.

(I have not looked for handouts. It’s not in my nature. But, I have
accepted handup’s—help and assistance from local agencies who
want to empower me to succeed. Who want to see me live, not die.
Who want to see me get off the streets and be successful again.)

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I feel better for my contributions to these organizations that attempt
to give people a “hand up” in hard times. They help people succeed.
This is a way that I can contribute and give back. These contributions
of my skills and my time will also work as job references, as I continue
to seek employment. They give my life structure and meaning. They
give me a reason to feel good about myself. Giving back gives me
hope that I can flourish one day, that I’m not just a burden on society.

Next time you see us on the street, please think twice before judging
us as lazy, good-for-nothings. It may be me—or someone like me,
also facing homelessness, mostly invisible—at the register when you
purchase concessions at a nonprofit event. It may be me taking your
ticket or welcoming you to church or ushering you to your seat or
answering the phone.

We make the community better. It is the homeless who sell Speak
Up. It is the homeless who write the articles. Without our voice, this
would not exist. Without our efforts, it would not be distributed.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for playing a part.

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SPEAK UP MAGAZINE

Speak Up equips remarkable people facing homelessness with a
magazine that releases their voice and give them a chance to work
and earn money. As they buy and sell Speak Up magazines (and
keep the profits), they discover dignity, develop skills, accomplish
goals, and get off the streets.

Speak Up is a 501(c)3 nonprofit, powered by your generosity.

PLEASE GIVE.

SPEAK UP
501 Hawthorne Lane
Charlotte, NC 28204

SPEAKUPMAG.ORG
@speakupmag on social media

ARE YOU FACING HOMELESSNESS?

You can write for the magazine, tell your story and get paid.
You can sell magazines and earn immediate income.

IN CHARLOTTE: Come to the address above on Thursdays at 2PM.

ANYWHERE IN THE USA: Visit speakupmag.org/partner.