How to Talk to a Homeless Person

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HOW TO TALK TO A
HOMELESS PERSON
essays from on and off the streets

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Speak Up Magazine gives a voice to the streets—it is written
by and about those who have experienced homelessness.

It is sold by vulnerably-housed street vendors who become
micro-business owners, develop a passion for inspired
entrepreneurship and get back on their feet financially.

If you’ve seen a copy of Speak Up before, you know this one in your hands is
different from the usual. To learn more about it, visit speakupmag.org/howtotalk.

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CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS
(THREE KINDS)
by Matt Shaw
As founder of Speak Up, I’ve had for five minutes. We went to a local
hundreds of personal encounters Harris Teeter so I could buy him a
with people who have been on sandwich and some snacks for later.
the streets. Nearly every person I didn’t know what else to do. He
who approaches us and reaches shared about how his mom, who’d
out to participate in the writing been everything to him, had died.
and entrepreneurship programs is Then his wife died, and then he’d
gracious and hopeful. They defy the lost it and “went off the deep end.”
stereotypes and humble me with He was articulate and soft spoken.
their warmth and depth. He reeked of afternoon alcohol and
carried shame in his voice. I asked
But there have been other times if he had a place to stay or some
over the years where I’ve been the sort of housing. “I have a little hole
one reaching out—not because they in the ground, but have to move
are candidates for our program, though. Some thugs beat me and
but because it was the human thing took everything.” He pointed to the
to do. No interaction ever follows bruises and recent cuts on his face.
the same pattern or has the same When it was time to let him out and
outcome. Here are three of those he began to shed enormous tears, he
moments (uncensored). said, “You’re my best friend. I have
no one else.” As I pulled away from
John had a bulbous red nose, was him, the tragedy and hopelessness of
short of stature and wore a coat in his situation was overwhelming and I
summertime. I picked him up on was broken-hearted. I wept with him.
the outskirts of Uptown in Charlotte
one August day where he’d been A couple years later, one November
thumbing a ride. This was about morning as I drove into Charlotte,
seven years ago. I was a novice in I spotted a funny figure in a ditch.
helping people on the streets at I veered the car off the road and
the time. “This is the kindest thing saw an old gaunt man wearing an
anyone has ever done for me. You enormous backpack and straddling
might be one of my best friends,” he an ancient mountain bike. His blue
said after we’d been riding together jeans were brown with filth; his

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tattered country jacket was one of many layers time I was trying to find a place for him. The
keeping him warm. Most arresting were his shelter was out of the question—he was afraid
eyes. Small and blue, I’d never seen anything of racial attacks. Besides, he hadn’t been
like them. Imagine looking at the face of a dog in the area long enough to qualify for the
that had been kicked and beaten its entire life. shelter anyway. I visited him for a few minutes
It crouches in wary fear, expectant of further every other day. Over the course of a week,
abuse. David looked like an animal. I asked his anxious face shifted, and he looked more
him what he was doing and what he needed. relaxed, more peaceful, more human. One
Nothing really, he said. He told me that he day, I stopped in to see him and he was gone.
was HIV positive after having been assaulted Filled with regret, I wished we could have
in prison where he’d been incarcerated for done more.
violent crimes. He was dying, he said, and his
racking cough sounded deep and diseased. It was a cold and cloudy spring day. Rain was
He was just a wanderer, going up and down falling in torrents, and my wipers struggled
the east coast, looking for something. “Three to keep up. As I drove along I-77, a mile from
years ago, I camped behind the Bi-Lo, and a my exit to home, I saw a hitchhiker. Although
man there was nice to me. That’s why I came more experienced and wary now, I decided
back here. But they cut down all those trees the least I could do was give him a lift to the
and the camp is gone.” I heard his desperate McDonald’s less than a mile away. He climbed
need for love and community. He’d ridden into the car, shaking off rain. He was thick and
his bike for hundreds of miles, hoping to find barrel chested, with ape-long arms and huge
a guy he’d met in passing, whose name he hands. His hair was close-cropped and he had
couldn’t remember. Now he was just looking two Nazi swastikas tattooed on his forehead.
for a place to set up his tent and live quietly. He smiled spookily at me, and I noticed his
His only hope was to not be disturbed or run teeth were jagged and most were missing.
off. He hoped for nothing more, just safety For the next five minutes, as we piloted to
from further abuse. I said I could help him and McDonald’s, he told me about getting drunk
asked him to meet me at a local Burger King and then beaten up at a black biker bar in
that evening. West Virginia. He said he was on the warpath
for revenge. He was racist and full of hate and
During the day, I reached out to a church murder. I wished I hadn’t stopped for him and
I knew that had a dozen acres of wooded wanted him out of the car, rain or not. But
property and asked if he could camp deep somehow, despite my revulsion, I tried to treat
in their woods. No, they said, too much of a him with dignity.
liability…which made sense. In the evening,
he was waiting outside the fast food place. At McDonald’s, where I thought I could leave
“Look what I got,” he said and showed me him, he refused to get out of the car and asked
two crisp $20 bills. “A pastor gave this to me me to take him to that nearby fleabag motel
so I could stay in a motel. I’ve got more in my for the night. As he asked for motel money,
pocket, enough for a week.” He checked into he punctuated his requests with thick-fingered
a fleabag motel for a week, and that whole pokes onto my upper thigh. At the first poke,

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I recoiled away. At the second, I jumped out a shotgun under the counter. Back in the car,
of the car. He stayed in. Rain falling upon me, I swallowed my revulsion—thankful to have
I urged him to come into the restaurant. He escaped unharmed.
refused and I realized that I had to buy my
way out of it. Spending $32 to put him up Three interactions with different men
for the night was the last thing I wanted to whose different worldviews—self-loathing,
do. Actually, that’s not true. The last thing I desperation, hate—crippled them from seeing
wanted to do was to spend another minute in themselves and anyone else with optimism or
his presence. So I warily climbed back in and hope. It’s for that reason, that emptiness within
eased across the street to the motel. them, that I would stop again. They don’t
necessarily deserve anyone’s love—hateful,
I led Blake to his motel room door and he self-destructive, histories of criminal activity—
invited me in for a moment. I declined. As I but then again, who does deserve it?
handed him the bag of fast food, I reached for
his hand in an awkward clasp and he leaned The unrefined landscape of my own heart,
in with his face turned toward mine, moving selfish, unloving, hopeless, has been been
for a kiss. I jumped back and started moving renewed only by an external love that I
away. At last glance, he wasn’t watching me, cannot earn. The loving welcome, the cool
his attention was fixated on two young African drink of water for my soul, and the generous
American men standing outside their car. I companionship offered to me by Jesus has
veered into the manager’s office and warned never been deserved. I’ve been given a gift of
the clerk, who was behind bulletproof glass, favor and hope. It is a gift meant to multiply
that their newest guest seemed violent and and affect other’s lives. Keeping it to myself
dangerous. She seemed unperturbed and would be the most criminal act of all.
smiled. “We’re used to it.” I knew that she had

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HOMELESS
NOT
HOPELESS

by James Coltson SW

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What you assume or understand and you do whatever is necessary to make it
about homelessness may not be out there in that world.
completely true. We would all
benefit from leaving preconceived There are so many people who want to get off
notions at the door and reading the the streets, but they do not have the resources
following article with an open mind. nor the support system to make the transition
from the street to a home—and remain there.
To truly begin to understand what Yes, there are support services, but they can’t
homelessness is, you must first understand do it all. We shouldn’t expect them to either.
that not everybody chooses to be homeless. What is required is a firm hand and a willing
There are thousands of homeless people in heart from each capable citizen to come
the area, and everyone’s reason and story is alongside the homeless individuals and build
different. The most common reasons are the relationships and connections. It’s hard work,
loss of a job, not making a living wage or not but so are most things that are worth doing.
getting enough hours. Without a living wage,
people can’t pay their bills and secure housing What can we do to help those homeless who
evaporates. It’s a series of rocks and hard are willing to partner with others in order
places. to escape that demoralizing pit? They are
the ones who don’t want to be out on the
The problem with being homeless is that it’s streets and need immediate shelter, such
next to impossible to get back on your feet. as the families with children. When dealing
There is always something that gets in the way with the homeless community, you need
and slows you down. It is this demoralizing pit an understanding of the different types of
that causes you to feel hopeless and not see individuals who are living on the streets. The
any way out. You eventually get accustomed basic classifications are:
to living on the streets. It becomes your world,

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Mentally Unstable are many reasons individuals may choose to
Those who suffer from one or more mental make a lifestyle out of living on the streets.
illnesses and do not have the support system Unfortunately, a small proportion prefer not to
(friends and family) to come alongside them work and would rather manipulate the system
and assist them in holding down steady to secure the services they desire.
employment.
Physically Disabled
Addicts Those who cannot work because of illness or
Those who either use or deal drugs and injury.
develop mental illnesses as a result.
Convicts
Uneducated/Untrained Those who have made mistakes in the past
Those who do not have the knowledge or skills and now have tarnished legal records. From
to obtain and maintain gainful employment. the moment they step back into civilian
life, they struggle to secure employment. If
The Educated employment is secured, it is generally a low-
Some have college degrees and are homeless end job which rarely amounts to a living wage.
because they can’t find employment in the
areas they studied. There are many things that need to change as
a community, and we cannot ignore them if
Lifers we are going to help the homeless. May the
Those who choose or are forced to make a change begin with you.
lifestyle out of living on the streets. There

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WE ARE ALL HOMELESS

by Leah Burnett
For most Americans unacquainted with the state of my own heart. Before making the
homelessness, homeless people can stir up effort to get to know people living on the
many emotions. Simply seeing a homeless streets, I didn’t know what to do about them,
person can quicken feelings of fear, distrust, so I ignored them. However, ignoring them did
concern, irritation, compassion, guilt, and not sit well with my soul.
confusion. Honestly, I think these mixed
emotions are generated by the realization that One day, I stepped outside of my comfort
homelessness is the result of a flawed culture. zone and headed to the streets with a church
We often find ourselves feeling helpless to ministry to visit some homeless people. Once
make a difference in the pervasive issue staring I met them, I fell in love with them. All of
at us from every city. them. They were just like me with different
backgrounds and stories. I went back to see
I have had the privilege of knowing some them several times a week. I learned to stop
homeless folks over the years. Befriending judging them and trying to figure out if they
the homeless has taught me so much about were victims, scam artists or just ill-fated. My

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purpose is not to figure them out. My purpose In the New York Times bestselling book,
is treat them with respect and dignity. Same Kind of Different as Me, the true
story of an unlikely friendship transpires
Do you ever find yourself wondering what between a homeless man, Denver Moore,
to do if a homeless person asks for money? I and an international art dealer, Ron Hall. The
would suggest that giving money is not the perspective of both men inspires the reader
primary concern although it doesn’t hurt to toward compassion for all people. Denver
give. The real issue is the state of our hearts Moore explains, “The truth about it is, whether
when we interact with them. Do we see the we is rich or poor or something in between,
person as a human being whom God loves this earth ain’t no final restin’ place. So, in a
just as much as the rest of us? Do we look way, we is all homeless –just workin’ our way
them in the eye, greet them with a kind word toward home.”
and smile? Do we ask them their stories?
Acknowledging their value and mere existence
can move mountains. Of that I am certain.

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I WORK
WITH THE
HOMELESS

by Harry Griffin
I’ve worked with the homeless for not quite you can do to be helpful. Do you want to
eight years now. I taught photography for teach photography? Or writing? Are you an
a long time at the Urban Ministry Center actor? Do you have a skill set or interest? What
before I reached out to Speak Up and then do you want to do with your life? How can that
McCreesh Place. There are a good handful translate into volunteer work? Reach out to
of organizations in Charlotte helping the these non-profits. They need your help.
homeless in a variety of ways and with a variety
of philosophies. This has been so meaningful and important
to me. Sharing my testimony as an artist,
If you really want to know, it could be said photographer, and writer with others in my life
that I have had very selfish reasons for helping has been very good for me. All I ever want to
as much as I have. My long-time interest in do these days is to just write and be creative.
photography led me to teaching that subject And I can honestly say that I have learned
at the Urban Ministry Center; and when that such amazingly deep lessons from leading and
interest in photography evolved into a love of teaching these classes and workshops. I would
writing, I started to teach writing at all three of dare say that some of the deepest creative
the above-mentioned non-profits. lessons I have learned have been from these
scenarios and, of course, from the homeless
Is that self-serving? Sometimes I think so, people I insist I am helping. I am a better
because truthfully I get so much more out of it writer and artist for it.
than anyone else does. At least, that is the way
it feels to me most of the time. It can be hard Do you need a reason? Do you need to be a
to really and truly hear how those I help feel or passionate crusader with a huge heart? Do you
if they think I have helped them. I hope they need an endless supply of love or compassion
know I love them. I hope that they feel me for homeless people? I don’t think so. In fact,
there, just listening, just a presence. I guess I know you don’t. My work with the homeless
that’s my advice to anyone who wants to know has not been about them, if you really want to
how to talk to someone who is homeless. Just know. It’s been about me! And it’s been one
hang out. Just be there. of the best, most amazing things I have ever
experienced. I invite you to it today. Thank
I also want to say that there are many things you.

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by Nate Casey

It was a cold January night in Charlotte, North made me take a step back and really evaluate
Carolina. North Tryon Street was well lit in how I go about street outreach, relationship
neon by the bars and restaurants that walled building, and some of my life principles in
off humanity from reality. Outside of the general. I realized that four major things in my
loud and ruckus watering holes and concert life have influenced me: my faith, my family,
venues, piles of coats and tarps draped over my friends, and my experiences.
silhouettes sitting on benches. I approached
a figure whose head was covered by two hats To the first question, “Nate, why did you sit
and a hood. I may have passed by the man down to talk to him,” I believe that you should
if it weren’t for the faint shivering that began treat a janitor the same way that you treat a
to rattle the bench seat. Three friends walked CEO and vice versa. I believe that every life
alongside me carrying hot coffee and food. is more than a biological makeup of chance.
I believe every life holds a story worth telling;
As I walked up next to the man, I sat down on and if it is worth telling, it is worth listening to.
the ground. “Hello sir. May I offer you a cup Life is precious and powerful. It is precise and
of coffee?” As he nodded, the girl next to me it penetrates the apathy of the soul.
poured a small styrofoam cup full of steam
and black coffee. “My name is Nate. These To the second question, ”Why did you keep
are my friends. Do you mind if we join you for saying his name over and over again,” there is
a little while?” He nodded again. Looking up an interesting lesson that I have come to learn.
from underneath his hat line, just enough room About a year ago, I had coffee with a man
appeared to see his eyes as I asked, “What whom I had gotten to know quite well. We had
is your name?” During the next ten or fifteen met weekly and talked about politics, religion,
minutes, we came to know Dan who was from and life in general. During our friendship,
a little town outside of Charlotte. It seemed I began to notice that he repeatedly used
that as the minutes passed, I found all of my my name in conversation. Not thinking of it
friends sitting on the ground with me at the too much, I asked him, “Hey, what are some
feet of Dan. good things to keep in mind when talking to
someone who is homeless?” “Call them by
We then continued down Tryon Street to pass name!” he replied.
out more coffee. As we walked, one of my
friends asked me, “Nate, why did you sit down He had been a nomad of sorts and had
to talk to him? Why did you keep saying his travelled around the country for years without
name over and over again?” Those questions a home. He moved from city to city staying

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in different shelters or along the street. Over
those seven years, no one had called him by
his name.

He continued, “Nate, what many people don’t
understand is that an individual who lives on
the street is hardly ever called by their name.
Eventually, they disassociate themselves
from their own identity. Being called “man,”
“dude,” or “hey you,” begins to infiltrate your
very being. Just as you gained identity from
your name, you begin to lose your identity and
adopt a title that unconsciously makes you just
another “hey you” in the world. Call them by
name. It is the most refreshing thing they will
hear all day. Watch their eyes open as they
have their identity and value restored.”

So that is what I do. There is not a “hey you”
in my world. Each name represents a valuable
identity, a personal journey. Life is a gift, a gift
that should be called out by name.

Most people think that you must “walk a
mile in someone else’s shoes,” but what if
we ditched that insincere adage and simply
took the time to sit with someone? What if
we broke down our insecurities about how
to interact with people and started by simply
saying their name? I hope that the next time
you walk by a homeless man or woman, you
will take the time to sit and talk with them,
offer sincere presence, call them by name and
confer identity.

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TRUE
CONFESSIONS
by Peggi Knowe
How in the world did I get to the place where These folks were very nice and, in spite of
I’m volunteering for a magazine written by everything they had been through, were still
and for homeless people? I always had a huge positive, upbeat, and extremely grateful for
fear of anyone who even looked like they the opportunity that Speak Up offered them.
were homeless. I would not go into large cities I could learn a lot from them.
unless I absolutely had to. Even then, I would
constantly look over my shoulder to see who Needless to say, my perception of the
was “after” me. I don’t know where this fear homeless completely changed. I got to know
came from, but it was certainly unreasonable. a vulnerably-housed man who was always
impeccably dressed in a suit and tie, another
For example, when forced by a traffic light man who carried his amazing artwork in a
to be situated in my car next to a disheveled portfolio, and a woman who exuded so much
person holding a cardboard sign that said, love, joy, and self confidence, that you would
“HOMELESS,” I kept my eyes fixed straight never know she is homeless. I learned that
ahead and pretended that no one was there. “homeless” does not mean beggar, bum,
I was not going to roll down my window and vagabond, robber, alcoholic, or drug addict.
give them money! It means jobless, house-less, or in transition.
There are some people who have addictions or
When my friends, Matt and Lana Shaw, are mentally ill, but they are no less human or
decided to start a street magazine in Charlotte undeserving of help and care.
that would allow those living on the streets
to get a “hand up instead of a hand out,” I I have seen first hand the impact that Speak
got involved—at arm’s length, of course. I Up Magazine has made on many lives,
bravely offered to work from home. Eventually, including my own. This magazine is making a
however,I needed to drive into the big city and difference, one person at a time. It has been
work at Speak Up’s office. After cleverly hiding well worth facing my fears and realizing that
my purse in the trunk, I began my white- the homeless are people too and deserve to
knuckled journey out of fear and into love. be treated with respect.

At Speak Up’s office, I met face-to-face the Now when I am stopped next to a person
people I feared the most. What a fool I had with a cardboard sign, I smile, roll down my
been! I found out that most of these folks had window, and offer them some change and a
lost their jobs and eventually their homes. “Take a Step” card (which directs them to a job
Sometimes, they lost their families. I learned opportunity with Speak Up). Please share the
that anyone could end up on the streets given hope. “Take a Step” cards can be requested
poor choices or unfortunate circumstances. from info@speakupmag.org.

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WAITING ON A
STORM WITH YOU
by Sheila Appersony SW

A quiet thought of love so unsure
to be sure.
A love afraid to fly.
Waiting on a storm with you.
The blackened skies, the fast
rolling clouds.
Black and gray waiting for some
thing for you to say.
Coming into a storm with you.
A quiet love lost in Blue.
Waiting on a storm with you.
Memories of another storm that
did not last
Long ago from the past.
Waiting for something for me to
say
But maybe not today.
A wish to fly into this storm with
you.

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We have conversations all the time… Richard, a new vendor for Speak Up shared
with our friends and family, the lady at the that he recently had a stroke and was trying
grocery store, or someone we work with. to be healthier. I shared with him my fitness
Conversations with the people who know goals, and we agreed that too much pizza was
and love us best are easy. They already know bad for both of us. He told me that one of his
us, they know what we like and don’t like, good habits was trying to help people—even
they know our family. They might share some though he was living in the men’s shelter. We
mutual friends, or we might work together then talked about his goal to help people and
on a project. Easy. However, sometimes what that looked like on an everyday basis.
conversations are harder if we don’t know the
person or if he/she is in a different life place Josh, a regular Speak Up vendor, was recently
than we are. Bridging the gap between the hanging out at the Speak Up office, and we
people in our lives and someone who might started playing Michael Jackson’s music. He
be living on the street shouldn’t be difficult. immediately started dancing to “Thriller” and
Here are some of the conversations that I have knew the entire thing. His dance moves to that
had with homeless or once-homeless people song were way better than mine, and I will
who become self-employed magazine sellers be reminding him often of this new dance he
(“vendors”) during the last couple of weeks. taught me.

Amber is a new vendor for Speak Up. She When you meet someone on the street, no
recently had an interview and shared some matter how young or old, remember that there
of her life details with me. She told me about is always something that you can relate to with
her last job, and we talked about how we everyone you meet. If the person you meet
both work in the technology industry. We then likes a Grande Cappuccino (no whip, three
practiced sales training, and she said that she pumps of vanilla syrup), buy them coffee. If
also moved here from another city. We then they look like they need a hug, hug them. Just
talked about the different parts of Charlotte think, if you were cold and hungry and
and how big cities are so different than small de-caffeinated, wouldn’t you want someone to
towns. Connection pieces like these are vital do that for you?
to starting a conversation.

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HOW TO
TALK TO A
HOMELESS

by Kaitlyn Tokay PERSON

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CONTRIBUTORS

Leah Burnett Peggy Knowe Kaitlyn Tokay Harry Griffin James Coltson

Matt Shaw Nate Casey Ruth Hseih Maria Valdivieso Sheila Apperson

SW SW

Speak Up Magazine is a 501(c)3 non-profit and is supported by donations from
readers like you. To donate, visit www.speakupmag.org.

Matt Shaw
Editor In Chief

Maria Valdivieso
Art Director

Editorial Team
Harry Griffin, Kaitlyn Tokay, Hayley Pierpont, Leah Burnett, Peggi Knowe, Nate Casey

For additional information about the production of this magazine, including design notes,
printing details, and photo credits, visit speakupmag.org/howtotalk. We’d love to hear
your feedback: magazine@speakupmag.org.

SW Street Writer = Has experienced homelessness

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WORD SEARCH
by Leah Burnett

W H U N G R Y D B A C K P A C K O R S Z
O C F J V I G O O P N O I S E A V F T B
Z S I Z B J D I U S K W V M E L P G R E
A D N T U G L Z T I L I N I H O F U E N
M U X E Y V Y E C D S Z D S I N A S E E
A M D E J T Q Z A E S W O U J E L A T V
N P T W K C V X S W U A N N C E L L S O
X S E A V A P R T A R I A D G T P V V L
I T X R M Z V B B L V T T E E B E A A E
E E Y U B K G A E K I I I R X F N T N N
T R G N L R O D F A V N O S H P N I S C
Y F K A A S O V E N E G N T A H I O A E
B M D W N F D E A U S Z J O U M L N W M
B U U A K N W R R L H J T O S Y E A D M
C Q S Y E S I S V Z E M G D T E S R C W
O M O P T Y L I E E L V D B E X S M W U
L W M R A U L T A Z T J P M D E B Y Z K
D F T U D S Q Y I B E X R E F U G E R C
C J O L S B S S T E R E O T Y P E Y E Y
Z P O V E R T Y S O U P K I T C H E N M

FEAR SALVATIONARMY BUSPASS PENNILESS
ADVERSITY WAITING BENEVOLENCE MISUNDERSTOOD
BACKPACK SHELTER SOUPKITCHEN EXHAUSTED
DONATION ANXIETY CITY OUTCAST
SURVIVE GOODWILL ALONE REFUGE
BLANKET STREETS RUNAWAY SIDEWALK
POVERTY STEREOTYPE COLD
NOISE DUMPSTER HUNGRY
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HOW TO TALK TO A
HOMELESS PERSON

1. Order them a coffee.
2. Order yourself a coffee.
3. Turn off your phone.
4. Sit down, make eye contact, and smile.
5. Ask: “What gets you excited?”
(and go from there).
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