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I HAVE WALKED
IN THOSE SHOES
By Mary King

was born in Raleigh in 1964. At six
pounds and seven ounces, I was just a
tiny little thing. I spent time in the hos­
pital due to having been born underweight,Iso I wasn’t able to go home. Not only that,
I was born in a prison. However, there was
someone, a woman, who took me to her home
determined to raise me as her own.

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Her home was in a very small town was then out of control. No one told
where everybody knew everybody, and me what to do anymore.
everybody was some kin to everybody. It was at this time that I started to
Yes, it was that kind of little town. You commit petty crimes myself, following
couldn’t do anything because your in the footsteps of my mother. I went
business was known and talked about. from smoking cigarettes, to doing co­
It didn’t matter whether you did good caine, to smoking crack. I was in it real
or bad, someone had something to say deep; there was no way out, and it hid
about it. the pain I was feeling. I couldn’t get
I grew up in the church and was enough of the high that I was on. I
raised in a home where my mother was ready for anything at this point
did the best she could in raising me. in my life because nobody cared and
However, my birth mother commit­ neither did I. I began to steal from
ted petty crimes in order to go to stores, then from people themselves. I
prison just to get away from my dad. was stealing cars and wrecking them,
I don’t think that she really got over not caring about anyone but myself. I
what happened to her when she was started to go to different towns com­
young. I knew a lot of men and had to mitting crimes and this time more
call some of these men “Dad” because serious crimes—breaking and enter­
that’s what she told me to do—“Dad” ing, larceny, and snatching old ladies’
was whomever her boyfriend was at pocketbooks. I even started to sell my
that time. It was years before I found body for crack. I overdid whatever it
out the real truth behind my story. I was that I was doing at the time.
was molested by every man that my I went from city to city, a troubled
mother went out with. I saw a lot and child. I wanted to be a part of my real
have been exposed to a lot. When my mom’s life, but I found out that she
real mother was finally released from really didn’t want me. She had told me
prison, she moved to a town called time and time again after she fed me
Durham, NC, where she spent the liquor that she hated me and wished
rest of her adult life until she passed that I was never born. She told me
away in 1989. I was given liquor to that she wished that she would have
drink by her at the age of 13, and I broken my neck as I was coming out
was also introduced to reefer (better of her—that’s not something to tell
known as weed back in the day). I be­ a child you are supposed to love and
came addicted at a very young age. I protect. I took to others for the love

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that I craved from my real mother. Yet, to go to Durham. I would hitchhike
no matter what, I still loved her and rides with strangers, and do whatever
wanted to be a part of her life no mat­ I had to do to get there. I didn’t and
ter what it would cost me. I didn’t care could not understand why my birth
if she never loved me just as long as I mother didn’t want or love me. This
could be with her. She could do what­ was, after all, my mother. I didn’t un­
ever she wanted and treat me anyway derstand at the time just how a moth­
that she wanted. I would run away to er could sit and watch a daughter go
Mount Olive, to Durham, just to be through what I went through and not
with her. I would skip school, steal help in some kind of way—or at least
money from the lady that raised me call the cops if, in fact, she was scared.

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I would never allow my daughter to be whatever drug I was doing at the time.
in this kind of a situation and not do Gosh, what was wrong? I think
something about it. that not having the love of the woman
I took a nosedive further and fur­ who gave birth to me and the fact that
ther into the streets, and I stopped she didn’t want me because of the hate
going to school. I started staying out that she felt was incomprehensible to
all night without any regard for my me as a kid. As a result, I did whatev­
mother (the lady that raised me and er I thought would please her to gain
tried to give me a good life). I felt that her love and respect. But it never hap­
I was grown up enough to live on my pened.
own. Late at night, I would stand on I met a man at the age of sixteen
the street just to see who I could stop and told him that I was much older. I
so that I could find my next fix of fell in love, or so I thought, and started

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to see him each and every day. Mind called one lady’s house and asked her
you, he was twelve years older than I where my man was. She said, “Who is
was. We would go out and have fun this?” I said, “Don’t worry about who
(so I thought). We would drink and it is. You just tell him that he’s got ten
smoke weed, go to all of the liquor minutes to get to my house. I’ve been
houses. He would even buy from the waiting on him, and he’s late, so get
liquor store and we would get hotel to where he’s supposed to be.” And so
rooms. I would meet him at the car he did. He thought it was funny that
wash, which was just in front of my I was calling his baby momma about
house. My behavior was so bad at this where my man was. He said, “You
point that I didn’t care that I hurt his missed your man, didn’t you?” I felt
baby momma. I knew that he had that as long as I was with him, I was
thirteen kids, but I didn’t give a darn. I okay. I didn’t slow down much when

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I found out that I was with child. I’ve want anyone to do that to me; how­
always wanted to have a child; in fact, ever, that very same thing did happen
I told all my friends one time that I to me when we got married. I found
was pregnant when I wasn’t. I did quit my husband and my cousin in bed to­
for a while until I got bored then I gether. I, in turn, put all of his clothes
took off to drinking and smoking pot. out onto the porch, and waited for
I felt that this wouldn’t hurt the baby. him to come and get them. My hus­
I was headed downward and couldn’t band cheated on me with my cousin,
find my way back to where I was sup­ so I cheated on him with his uncle. He
posed to be. didn’t like that, but he knew just how I
I know that it was wrong of me to felt. I just didn’t give a care about what
take another woman’s man. I wouldn’t I did and with whom. I knew that our

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marriage was over. It was then that I was then that I was introduced to the
knew that things would never be the drug crack cocaine, and I didn’t report
same with us. I began to do things to my parole officer or anyone else, so
that I knew would place me in jail that was the end for me. I would stay
because that was the only way I was out on the streets and not go home
going to get away from him. He was for days on end—not think about my
the kind of husband who would beat daughter or anyone else for that mat­
on me and call me all kinds of names, ter. I had no regrets for anyone, only
even in front of our daughter. When what I wanted to do, what I wanted in
she had to stop her father from killing the end. My thinking was that I might
me, I realized then that I had to do as well finish what I’d started by mess­
what was best for me. To have some ing up my life, and, believe me, I did.
kind of protection, I would date guys But at what cost?
that weren’t scared of him—guys that I now know that it’s not okay to just
would fight him back and protect me. throw your life away, but I had messed
I had to do some time for a probation up so much of my life that I thought
violation, but that was an out for me one day, “What is the point of living?
also. I can tell you that I wish that Let me do a service by putting myself
things had turned out different for out of my misery, and maybe everyone
me, but they didn’t. would be happy.” So I tried to commit
My past also includes an active suicide. To do that, I took a lot of pills,
drug life. I had just gotten out of pris­ and it still didn’t take me anywhere.
on on April 14, 1995. I got off the bus All it did was make me sick. I took
in Goldsboro, North Carolina, when I whatever pills I could find no matter
should have gone home to my mother what they were. I really needed help. I
and daughter in Durham. But instead, was a very sick person back then. My
I went to the liquor house and started mind had been altered by the poison
to party, and that was all that it took of other people and their problems. I
for me to get further out of control. I allowed these things to not only sick­
met this guy, and we started to party. en me but to define who I was as a
Here I go again. I didn’t learn the first person. I would wake up drinking and
time with my husband anyway. I stayed go to bed drinking, getting sicker and
with this guy for months at his sister’s sicker by the day.
house. Then we got our own place in I finally made the gravest mistake
a trailer court that was full of drugs. It of all which has cost me more than I

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wanted to lose and made me stay lon­ other certificates that I will be able to
ger than I wanted to stay. Now I’m use upon my release. In 2013, I ap­
sitting in prison with 29 to 37 years plied to Changed Choices once more,
of my life gone, and a daughter whom and, this time, I was sent an applica­
I won’t be able to see for a very long tion. I followed everything that was
time. I have lost so much time in living required of me; I even sent everything
for me and my addiction that I forgot that I had as far as certificates were
the most important person in my life concerned, but I had a feeling that it
and the fact that she would suffer. She was my time to get into this wonder­
didn’t deserve this. She didn’t ask to be ful program. As they say, time is of the
born into this kind of life, and I regret essence, there’s a time for every pur­
this each and every day of my life. I sit pose under the sun.
here in this prison thinking about how I have now been a Changed Choic­
I have not only messed up my life but es member for six years, and it has
the life of my daughter as well. This is been a life changer for me. I have
my biggest mistake and my only re­ completed the Adapt program, and let
gret. Now I feel that I have caused my me tell you first-hand, it made me re­
daughter to suffer like I have suffered ally think about myself and about my
in relationships and have caused her life. I would have never thought that I
to think that it’s OK to allow someone would one day write my own life sto­
to treat her any kind of way because ry. Now that’s something to be proud
she has seen her mother go through of. If someone would’ve told me years
the same thing. I will now let her ago that I would be this far in my life,
know that it’s not OK to allow some­ I would’ve disagreed.
one to disrespect her and treat her any I feel that I have accomplished a
kind of way. Daughter, you are worth lot through the help of my Changed
so much more than that, and you de­ Choices family. I must, however, give
serve better. all of the praise and honor to my
The love of a family called Changed Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, because
Choices is what finally changed my without Him, none of this would
life. I tried to get into the program have taken place. So all praise goes to
many years ago and couldn’t so I took Him. Thank you, Lord. I also have the
that as a sign it wasn’t time, so I just love of my brother and sister in-law
left it alone for a while. Instead, I ob­ who came back into my life to stay
tained my GED in 2012 along with in 2015. This was the first time that

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I had seen them in over fifteen years. the end of the day, they are still their
God is good. He will restore “every­ parents. You cannot choose who your
thing that the locust has eaten.” I have parents are going to be. God gave you
forgiven my mother for her actions. your parents. I now understand that
I’ve had to realize that something had “hurt people hurt people.” I also un­
to have happened in her life as well, derstand that it doesn’t give the par­
but it still doesn’t make what she did ents the right to treat their kids any
right. I will forever try to tell young­ kind of way.
er kids how to stay in school and not I want to become a peer support
to disrespect their parents because, at specialist because I have walked in

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those shoes and understand what hap­ ers who need encouragement through
pens to people who have had a hard their times of trouble. This is for all of
life due to bad choices. I hope that I you who think that life is not worth
will one day be able to tell my story to it, that you are not worth it, or that
younger kids. I would like to speak at you can’t do it. You’re wrong—you can
the schools about drugs, alcohol, and do it. Help is out there. Please allow
the affect that it has on our brains. yourself to get the help that you need
I would like to tell them how crime because your life is worth saving. Get
doesn’t pay and where their lives can help, celebrate life, and help others do
end up, and the fact that you don’t al­ the same.
ways come out the way that you think Will it be easy? Nooooo!
you will turn out. Will you want to quit? Yes.
I will forever give God the glory Will you want to pull your hair out?
for what he does in my life, because Yes.
without Him, I’m nothing, nor can I But that’s when you must call your
do anything. I’m an overcomer from sponsor or someone who has worked
the drugs and the drinking—all of with you so that you won’t relapse. So
the things that had held me captive to again, celebrate your new life! I hope
the enemy. Not only have I gotten a that my story will inspire you to fol­
second chance at life, I have a chance low your dreams.
to help others like myself. I will con­
tinue to celebrate life clean and sober. With all of the love that
If there’s one thing that I know, it’s God gives to each one of us,
that one is too many, and a thousand
is never enough. I can’t afford to lose MARY KING
myself by thinking that I have beat
this disease because it’s easy to relapse.
I must not forget that it comes in all
kinds of ways and through many peo­
ple. I must be mindful at all times. I
must and have let go of old people
places and things.
I also give thanks to Speak Up for
allowing me to tell a little bit of my
story and for allowing me to help oth­

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THIS ISSUE WAS PRODUCED
IN PARTNERSHIP WITH
CHANGED CHOICES

Changed Choices is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that provides
mental, emotional, physical and spiritual assistance to
highly-motivated women both during their incarceration
and as they transition back into society, enabling them
to make positive changes in their lives and to achieve
self-sufficiency.

LEARN, VOLUNTEER AND DONATE:

CHANGEDCHOICES.ORG

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MY STORY
HARDSHIP
PAIN
PRISON
LOSS
HOPE